Thank you for helping me. No, Thank YOU for thanking ME!

Most of us were taught when we were young that saying “thank you” shows good manners.  We should also have been taught that when we display good manners, what we’re really doing is showing others that we respect them. 

Saying thank you is such an everyday occurrence, we may think nothing of it.  It’s sometimes an almost automatic response.  But that simple act alone holds some important reciprocal value for the giver and the receiver.  Being grateful produces positive emotions and positive emotions reduce stress.  Relying on someone’s help obviously eases our burden, but it also builds trust and makes us feel better.  Positive feelings, less stress, and an easier burden improves our overall sense of well-being making us healthier people.

By saying thank you, we’re letting the other person know what they’ve done is valued.  That value increases the individual’s feelings of worth.  It says that he or she was needed.  These feelings usually encourage that person to be more willing to offer help in the future.   It may be good to know that many people do not ask for help or accept too it willingly because they feel it represents failure.   Additionally, many people do not offer their help because they are unsure if it is needed or wanted.

I think the important thing to be aware of is that the benefits do not remain exclusive between the helper and the one receiving help.  The good feelings that are generated by helping make the giver more willing to help again in the future.  And the individual that received help, being grateful, becomes more likely to seek and offer help when needed.  They pay it forward. 

I enjoy looking for the commonalities in people’s behavior in everyday situations.   Equally, I enjoy trying to discover the mechanics behind those behaviors and I am fascinated by learning what positive, empowering, and helpful things can be revealed, understood, and yes, exploited, to help us grow and be kinder more caring people for each other, making all of our lives a bit better. 

 I sincerely thank YOU for taking a few minutes to read this and  I am truly grateful that you did.  If you find it interesting, or better yet, useful, then I am doubly pleased.  And, you see, the cycle continues…

Exercise your heart with a walk down Memory Lane

We are all aware of how happy we feel while reminiscing with friends about good times that we've shared, but did you know that frequent solo trips down memory lane can be a habit for a happier and healthier life?

Research shows that we use the same areas of our brains when recollecting our experiences that we use when we're actually experiencing them. Remembering good times is good for us and can improve our feelings of well-being on a daily basis. 

Recalling a time when you felt terrific or beautiful, or calm, relaxed, or content instantly produces the same wonderful feelings for you all over again and you benefit from them. Remembering something that made you feel good, makes you feel good! 

Of course, we shouldn't live in the past, but remembering happy times regularly makes us happier, healthier people and that makes it easier for us to enjoy our lives more fully.

Researchers from Loyola University have reported that in spending a few minutes each day, people who recalled good memories felt happier and more cheerful than people that focused solely on their present situations. Regular visits to our positive memories has been shown to help create more positive moods and outlooks in us. Like a joyful visit with an old friend. 

Psychologists from Southampton University, UK learned that folks that first recalled, and then wrote down their positive memories reported feeling happier, feeling increased self-esteem, and feeling more positive about their friends and relationships. 

Interestingly, Sonja Lyubomirsky and researchers from the University of California, Riverside, reported similar findings in those respects, except they found that people who DID NOT write down their happy memories had much stronger feelings than those who did.

So, if recalling a memory in depth has stronger impact than writing one down has, is there any benefit to writing them down? Indeed, 

there is, but it depends on the type of memory. 

Not to say that writing down your happy memories for posterity or to share (or remind) a friend or loved one is not beneficial because that is a terrific way to share the associated good feelings, but there seems to be an even better reason to write a memory down: when it's a bad one!

Because all of our memories are not happy, positive, or pleasant ones, we may want to keep a pen and some paper handy to lessen the negative, sad, or even heartbreaking feelings that come with our "not-so-happy" memories. 

By learning that recollecting memories (good or bad) invoked deeper feelings than writing those memories down did, Lyubomirsky formed a simple, helpful idea, which is:

keep and relive good memories in your head where they invoke the strongest feelings and put bad memories down on paper where they are weaker. 

I find this idea akin to sitting down and writing an angry letter with no intention of sending it, merely to get it out of your system and it makes sense to me.

By understanding that the feelings that we get, when we remember past events, are every bit as real as they were during those events and by knowing a couple of easy tips how we can maximize our good memories and feelings and minimize our bad ones, we can take advantage of our pasts to be happier, healthier people in our futures. 

I believe that happier people make happier memories. Can you see a pattern here?